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Shanksgiving
Shanksgiving is an episode of Family Guy. Synopsis Peter purposefully gets himself arrested, to avoid eating Lois' gross Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile, Stewie marries a prisoner. Plot TBA Characters Major Roles *Peter Griffin *Glenn Quagmire *Cleveland Brown *Joe Swanson *Neo-Nazis *MS-13 *Black Mafia *Not Cops *Lois Griffin *Stewie Griffin *Clint Minor Roles *Chris Griffin *Meg Griffin *Brian Griffin *Carter Pewterschmidt *Babs Pewterschmidt *Benjamin Pewterschmidt *Estella Pewterschmidt *Olav I *Carol West *Denise Robertson *Wendell Robertson *Donna Tubbs-Brown *Cleveland Brown Jr. *Roberta Tubbs *Rallo Tubbs *Rock Hudson *Police Superintendent Chalmers Songs *Kal Penn's Pen Pal Ken in the Cal Pen Quotes :Lois: We're having people over! I just got off the phone with my mom and all the Pewterschmidts are coming here for Thanksgiving. :Peter: I can't believe you invited the whole family. You know I hate big Thanksgivings. :Lois: Don't worry, Peter. It's gonna be fun and I can handle most of the prep, myself. I just need you to go to the market and get some extra napkins. :Peter: That's not so bad. :Lois: Oh, and pick up some wine for the adults. :Peter: I can do that. :Lois: And put the extra leaf in the dining room table. :Peter: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!! ---- :Joe: Bonnie's sister is married to a real show-off. :to Bonnie's sister visiting :Bonnie: Denise, Wendell, it's great to see you. :enters, being a man with ALS :Joe: Wendell. :Wendell: Joseph. :Joe: It's just Joe, I think you know that. ---- :Cleveland: Donna's cousins are two thirds of Tony! Toni! Toné! :Peter: Which ones? :Cleveland: The "E" and the "I". :Peter: Aw, no Tony with a "Y". :Cleveland: That is correct. We lack the alpha Tony. ---- :Ida: I wish I had given you more siblings, Glenn. ---- :Police Superintendent Chalmers: Swanson! :Joe: Police Superintendent Chalmers! :Police Superintendent Chalmers: My brother is superintendent of the schools in Springfield. Our parents divorced, when we were very young. I was raised entirely by our mother. He, by our father. We've never met. There's a lot of backstory and you four are under arrest! ---- :Police Superintendent Chalmers: You guys think your the first ones to have this idea? The jail's already full of dads, getting out of Thanksgiving. ---- :Brian: You have prison pen pals? :Stewie: Yes, a lot of people write prisoners. Even Hollywood celebrity, Kal Penn. :Brian: Kal Penn writes a prisoner? :Stewie: Yeah, Ken. He lives in California. You've never heard of Kal Penn's pen pal, Ken in the Cal Pen? :Brian: How could I possibly have heard of Kal Penn's pen pal, Ken in the Cal Pen? ---- :and Estrella enter :Estrella: Lois Griffin, my great granddaughter! As I live and breathe! :Chris: Great granddaughter? :Meg: to Chris Not gunna be living and breathing for long, are we? :Lois: Grammy! Gampi! So good to see you! the kids Kids, this is your great great grandmother, Estrella and her husband, Benjamin. :Benjamin: And who might you young girls be? :Chris: I'm a boy! :Benjamin: What!? Sheesh, son. Get a damn haircut! :Meg: Ha ha! Looks like for once, it's you who's getting misgendered! ---- :I enters :Olav I: What the fuck is with this house? :Carter: Olav! How are you, gramps! Brian, this is Olav. The oldest living relative of the Pewterschmidt family. :Brian: Oh, he's the oldest? How old is he? :Olav I: What the fuck!? That dog can talk!? :Carter: He was born in 63. :Brian: 63? Well, that's not that old. In fact, wouldn't that make him younger than you? :Olav I: Not 1963, navelfucker! The year 63 A.D.! :Brian: What!? :Carter: Yep, he's my 1,956-year-old 50x great grandpa. ---- :joins the Black Mafia :Cleveland: I am Kareem Abdul Jableveland. :Peter: You know Muslims can't drink alcohol, right? :quits the gang :Cleveland: I am Cleveland Hurricane Carter. ---- :Olav I: People living in this day in age are so damn privileged. They don't know what real suffering is all about. You think that Donald Trump is a bad president, well, try living through the unholy reign of Lincoln! :Meg: You thought Abraham Lincoln was a bad president? :Olav I: Damn, right. :beat :Chris: Wow. :Brian: Many people would disagree with you. :Olav I: Well, did any of those people live through his time, personally? :Brian: Well, no I ... I guess not. :Olav I: Exactly. Let me tell you what Dishonest Abe did to this country and you can tell me if Trump in any way compares to it. First of all, this bullshit made-up holiday, wouldn't even exist if it weren't for him. He thought that verifying a holiday that was founded on the integration of Whites and Indians was more important that focusing on the God damned Civil War! :Brian: But didn't Lincoln help us win the Civil War? :Olav I: US!? scoff You're one of them aren't you? No, that bitch made us lose the war. And then to add insult to injury, he created the emancipation proclamation, which did nothing but- :Lois: Okay, I think we've heard enough out of you. ---- :Stewie: Okay, so, ... so, what I need is someone I can work with ... Can you be that person? ---- :Grandpa Benjamin plays Heads Up and his show is [[Gilligan's Island]] :Lois: Okay, it's a show. It's a comedy abo- :Benjamin: Annie, Get Your Gun. :Lois: No, a show, Gampi! :Benjamin: That is a show. I remember going to that Broadway show when I was a young-un. :Meg: No, it's on TV. :Benjamin: Oh, the new stuff ... Poirot? :Lois: What is that? I've never heard of that. :Benjamin: What!? You've never heard of Poirot? You're kidding! :Estella: It's a Belgian detective on PBS, we just love it. :Benjamin: And you've never seen it!? It's a classic! :Lois: Okay, so back to the game. This show was about people getting stranded on an island. :Chris: It's about seven castaways. There's a professor and a millionaire and a movie star! :Benjamin: Poirot! :Brian: No, we already said it's not Poirot. It's about people who took a three hour tour ... :Benjamin: No it's not, it's about a Belgian detective. It's on PBS. :Lois: The title character is played by Bob Denver. :Benjamin: It's pronounced David Suchet. :Stewie: Who's that? :Chris: I'm gonna guess Poirot. :Meg: It's not Poirot! :Lois: Dammit, just pass! :skips it and it goes to Roman J. Israel, Esq. :Lois: Okay, this is a movie ... :Benjamin: Roman J. Israel, Esq.! ---- :Peter: Come on, Peter. It's him or you and ... and he's not so great. Don't forget he's the one who told you all those Schoolhouse Rock spoilers. I had no idea that bill would become a law. Trivia *The title is a pun on "Thanksgiving". *Fifth Thanksgiving special, following "Thanks But No Thanksgiving", "Thanksgiving With The Griffins", "Turkey Guys", and "Peter's Sister". *This episode introduces us to many new members of the characters' extended families. **On Lois' side of The Griffin Family, we're introduced to Benjamin and Estella Pewterschmidt, the grandparents of Babs. We also learn about Carter's 50x-great grandfather, Olav I, an extremely old man who was born in the year 63 A.D., making him 1,956 years old. **As for the White family, he learn that Bonnie has a sister named Denise, who married a crippled man with ALS named Wendell Robertson. **As for The Brown-Tubbs Family, it's learned that Donna's cousins are two unknown members of the band "Tony, Toni, Tone". Deleted Scenes *The Griffins watching a commercial for random TV shows airing on random streaming services. *Trimmed dialogue of Peter and Lois talking about putting a leaf in the table. *Trimmed dialogue of Peter and Chris trying to put a leaf in the table. *Alternate ending to the "table leaf gag", where Brian tells Chris the table is stuck. *Joe saying that everything on Thanksgiving is pumpkin spice. *Peter, Cleveland, and Quagmire arguing and Joe trying to break the up only to be shot down. *Alternate take on The Beer Bar Buddies getting arrested, with Peter rubbing a garden gnome on his crotch. *Peter saying "Wacky Mugshot Montage" before it happens. *Peter wasting his one phone call. *Joe making a bland political joke about Wall Street. *Joe making a bland political joke about congress. *Peter mistaking two prisoners having anal sex for two guys playing "leap frog". *Joe going in disguise as Chris. *Peter being surprised by the fact that Lois smokes. *Phil Spector discovering Stewie's musical talent. *Peter getting into a prison fight and losing all his teeth. *Slight dialogue trimming with The Beer Bar Buddies complaining about being abused by the prisoners. *Joe making a bland political joke about The Republican Party. *Peter analyzes some prison wine. *Joe and The Not Cops watching Die-Hard and complaining about the believably of it. *Peter showing Quagmire and MS-13 a watermelon seed, stuck to his butt. *Cleveland becoming a lawyer. *A prison guard mispronouncing "lunch". *Peter mispronouncing "lunch". *Several re-animated shots of Cleveland being in his lawyer costume. *Peter and a Neo-Nazi talking about the egg eating scene from Cool Hand Luke and later trailing off into a pointless conversation about businesses. *A tagline explaining Denzel Washinton making a Roman J. Israel Esq. movie poster. *Peter references to Brooks Hatlen bagging groceries from The Shawshank Redemption. *Chris getting caught watching his cousin, Katie pee. *Prisoners cheering for Quagmire and his sex doll. *The "Warden" explaining how he's not really a warden, via suspiciously specific denial. *Peter making a "BUTHOL" license place and his friends not understanding the joke. Category:Episodes Category:Season 18 Category:Holiday Episodes Category:Thanksgiving Episodes Category:Peter Episodes Category:Quagmire Episodes Category:Cleveland Episodes Category:Joe Episodes Category:Crossover Episodes